Have you been in a place in life when you didn’t know how you would walk through every day?
It’s nearly 2 months away from the 9 year mark of when I first woke with unexplained nerve pain that left me weak to the point of not being able to walk some days. After about 2 years and continuing to push myself daily with countless trip to doctor appointments and specialists at the best hospitals, experimenting with different drugs and finding the right one, helped my days start to improve. Trial and error and perseverance while leaning daily on God slowly changed my life for the better.
Waking in the early morning every single day, I started reading the Bible and praying as an early morning ritual that helped take away the fear of this unknown mystery. The first few days, I texted or called my preacher, who was a friend, and prayed with Him. Countless others prayed for me, Christian friends and family. Some of these people I knew, and others I had never met. They prayed for my healing.
Unfortunately, Saturday and yesterday morning my early morning dreams had me in a state of paralysis with the inability to speak and unable to ask for help. When I awoke, I had no feeling in my extremities or from the neck down. Non-painful tingling slowly started to become present in my extremities as I forced my body parts to move. I have experienced this paralysis in my chest for years, no feeling in that region. It’s almost as if that area is no longer a part of my body. Needless to say, with the assistance of God, close friends, and my amazing husband and children, I have been able to persevere through these challenging, mysterious body daily changes.
Last week, after weeks of painful cramping down my right leg, I reached out via the portal to my valued Functional Medicine Doctor, Dr. Meredith. She and her assistant have been supporting me and guiding me for the past 3 years. I learned they are leaving the practice of medicine. She had messaged me to schedule an appointment in September because she wanted to address some test results she had requested during my last visit. I was able to schedule an appointment for Monday, today. However on Friday, I received a call from her practice that she would no longer be taking patients in September. All of this leaves me feeling like she too is aborting the mission of walking with me through these mysterious body daily challenges.
Throughout the past few months, I have received at least two letters, maybe three, in the mail from my health insurance company stating that the Cardiologist and Neurologist that have seen me and run tests, are no longer in my network. Also, the Neurologist at Duke Neuromuscular Clinic had mailed me a letter almost 3 years ago. Not long after our last visit and after some three years of appointments, extensive tests, and referring me to other specialists, she was no longer going to be my doctor.
My experience with doctors through this journey has had a pattern. Each Neurologist I had been able to meet with since the beginning of this journey would only meet with me once. The next time I requested an appointment, that specific doctor wouldn’t be available. They would pass me off to another Neurologist, even if I was willing to wait to see them.
Thousands and thousands of dollars have been paid to hospitals, doctors, and testing facilities, and on medicines and supplements that have resulted in us still not having a diagnosis for the cause of my symptoms and faltering body systems. The health system in our country has failed me. It has also failed countless others in our country whom I have read about that have suffered neurological disorders. I do believe our country has become so greedy that doctors are forced to dismiss patients, who long for guidance, out of fear of a lawsuit ensuing. The patient also wants our doctors to be God and provide us with answers that may not be answered yet.
Here we are in an advanced society where the wealthy can voluntarily board a spaceship for an adventure ride to space, and yet we cannot buy loyalty from doctors. The irony is solely human nature, and nurture I reckon.
In addition to doctors bailing on me, I have also had some friends bail as well, out of fear. Humans are only human after all. This long health journey which breaks many and broke me in the beginning and still does some days, has allowed me time to change my priorities in life. It has also pushed me to rely on God and His Son. I'm beyond thankful that God has placed me with a loyal core family and some close friends to walk alongside me through life and this challenging time.
We can read about others who have sought God in desperate times. Many of these recorded stories found in the Bible, lasted for decades. One of the first stories of Abram and Sarai longing to have a child lasted for decades. Yet God blessed them, as He had promised He would, in their old age, their nineties. God allowing a way out and gifting them a child in such a late stage in life seemed impossible. Yet God has a way of making us completely rely on Him in life and then producing the impossible.
Remember that God longs for our purpose in life to be: to seek, to know, and to love Him. This world is a distracting place which plays on our humanly desires. God wants us to be better humans. He wants to reward us with whole and complete every lasting love. Mostly He longs to gift us, because of His love for us. He also wants us to live a disciplined life, choosing righteousness with our many daily decisions.
Have you been put in a hard place for a long time? Take courage! Our God is a Mighty God!
Psalm 25:5
“Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”
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